STRANGE’S LAST NIGHT’S TOP TEN LATE-NIGHT TV JOKES October 3 2011
10. Jay Leno Headlines :
Drug used to treat male importance.
Our milk is unconditionally guaranteed until you drink it.
A home for the most sufisticated buyer.
If you have tree nut allergies, please ask your server to remove your nuts.
9. David Letterman : In Italy Amanda Knox has been acquitted. She got a congratulatory e-mail from O.J. She was 4 years in an Italian prison. Sounds bad, but that includes salad and unlimited bread sticks. Right after the verdict she got a call from the Italian Prime Minister. Wanted to know what she was wearing.
8. David Letterman : New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is heavy, but he’s trying. Today, driving down the turnpike, I saw him on the truck scales.
7. Chelsea Handler : Alabama lets criminals either go to jail or to church. You can choose where you want to be touched inappropriately. Chris Franjola: In church you can sing hymns; in jail you can do hims.
6. Jay Leno : Anwar Al-Awlaki, that terrorist who was killed last week, was an American citizen. Usually you don’t see Americans taking foreigners’ jobs. They’re calling him the most hated American since Jon Gosselin.
5. Jimmy Fallon : A police force in Oregon has started using electric unicycles. First the cop asks for your license and registration. Then he juggles them, along with a bowling pin.
4. Jay Leno : Rick Perry is serious about running for President. Today he freed all the slaves on his ranch. Herman Cain said he’d rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than Rick Perry.
3. David Letterman : U.S. Special Forces killed the editor of “Al
Qaeda Magazine.” So if your copy is a little late this month … Over there the magazine is known as “AQ.” The guy also worked at “Car Bomb & Driver.” When they killed him he was just finishing up their swimsuit issue. He was difficult and crazy, but a good editor. Reminded me of that Anna Wintour.
2. Jay Leno : A former model who was convicted two decades ago of killing her husband and then cooking and eating parts of his body is seeking parole. My question, how long does it take a model to eat a person? And after she ate a part of his body, did she use one of his fingers to make herself throw up.
1. Craig Ferguson:President Obama and Michelle got married on this day in 1992, and they had a lovely dinner to celebrate the 19th anniversary of the last time anyone said yes to an Obama proposal.
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