Alert the Civil Liberties Union! Madonna doesn't like hydrangeas. Can life as we know it continue?
A few weeks ago, at the Venice Film Festival, a well-intentioned admirer handed the pop singer a bouquet of fresh hydrangeas while she was making a presentation. The pop star showed her appreciation by tossing the posies to the side and saying, under her breath: "I hate hydrangeas."
Her microphone was live and picked up every word.
What followed was a hubbub of epic proportions. Tree-huggers, hobby gardeners, hydrangea lovers, the media and flower-rights advocates descended upon the pop star like hungry seven-year locusts.
Instead of apologizing, Madonna pointed out the ridiculousness of the uproar in a brief video. It featured the singer in black and white with subtitles, similar to an old Charlie Chaplin movie. In it, Madonna -- whose plastic surgeon needs to know she now looks exactly like actress Julie Newmar from the 1960s Batman television series -- pretends to caress the flowers, then flies into a rage and stomps them into oblivion, insisting -- in subtitles -- that she prefers roses.
Hey, I'm not a big Madonna fan. Let's just say "Papa Don't Preach" isn't among the top 1 zillion songs on my iPod.
Granted, disrespecting a heartfelt gift from a fan was totally uncool.
But, we can't crucify the woman just because she isn't into hydrangeas. Then again, it's Madonna. She'd probably call a news conference for her own crucifixion.
Listen, I don't like cooked vegetables, the color gray, or the fact that Kate Gosselin says "ummm" more than a roomful of yoga students, but I'm pretty sure I won't be shunned anytime soon because of it.
It's a free country. A girl can detest whatever she wishes.
What's next in the hydrangea drama? A "Free the Hydrangeas" campaign? A libel suit on behalf of hydrangeas filed by the American Horticultural Society? Demands for free mental-health care benefits for recovering hydrangeas?
A plan was hatched on a pro-hydrangea blog and on the "Bring Madonna a Hydrangea" Facebook page to deliver hydrangeas to Madonna's Los Angeles home.
Heck, if she doesn't want them, she's welcome to send a few of them to me. My forsythia bush died this summer, and I need something for the front yard.
Unlike the Material Griper ... I mean Girl, I absolutely love hydrangeas.
Purple, please.
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