Episode Recap: "Secrets That I Never Want to Know" Season 8, Episode 1
Here we go, everybody! The beginning of the end of Desperate Housewives . Whether you've been keeping close tabs on Wisteria Lane all these years or are just coming back to see just how they wrap things up, welcome! The last time we saw the ladies, they had all become accessories to Carlos' murder of Gaby's abusive stepfather. So just how will the ladies handle this secret? Who do you think will be the first to crack? And how much will the writers raise the stakes? Let's find out:
On the night of the murder, Bree is the leader of the pack; then again, she has experience in the whole cover-up-a-murder department. While Susan and Lynette both look like they want to call the cops, and Gaby just plain freaked-out, Bree keeps everyone focused as they bury the body. Of course, Bree will have to work the hardest to keep this murder hidden (she is dating a cop, lest we forget) but she's also the most determined to save Carlos.
Fast-forward a month after the murder and Bree is enjoying a healthy relationship with Chuck and is the most well-adjusted out of everyone. Hiding what she knows isn't easy, but Bree has always been a reserved woman and, rather intelligently, she argues that keeping a cop close is probably a good idea. Sure enough, Chuck soon reveals to her that he found a stranded car with out-of-state license plates collecting parking tickets, and just as Chuck laughs about the sloppy criminals who forgot to get rid of the car, Bree realizes just who that vehicle belongs to.
The next day, Bree and Gaby go to take care of the car and leave it in a bad part of town, but quickly attract Chuck's attention (of course) when Gaby struggles driving stick. A naïve (or just stupid) Chuck offers to drive the car — which the ladies say belongs to Gaby's aunt — and Gaby eventually eats chewing tobacco to keep up her story. Just as Chuck is holding her hair back at a trash can so she can throw up, a young man comes up to steal the car. Bree effusively thanks him so much that the thief almost doesn't go through with the crime — until Bree yells at him to finish what he started, and instructs him to buckle up as he drives away. I always love the Bree-Gaby scenes because they contradict each other in such an interesting way, and I'm glad to see Bree turning back into the controlling perfectionist we grew to love rather than the carefree woman she became when she was with Keith.
However, Bree gets a disturbing letter at the end of the episode from someone who says they know what she did. Who is it?
Gaby doesn't have to worry about keeping anything from her husband, but she does have to worry about Carlos' intense feelings of guilt over the act. He's grouchy, he's preoccupied and he's not making it any easier for them to move forward. Gaby takes control of the situation in her own special way and tries to force Carlos to confess to their longtime priest. But the only priest available is young and seems like a blabbermouth (he makes a horrible tweeting joke that I won't repeat), so Carlos has to keep it to himself.
Gaby gets into the driver's seat, literally, and commandeers the airport shuttle to get their longtime priest to talk to Carlos before the priest leaves town. However, the priest shows Carlos that he will never be able to forgive himself for what he did but — in the sweetest moment of the episode — tells Carlos he did the right thing because he saved Gaby's life by taking her stepfather's life. The whole situation is odd because it just serves as a reminder that Carlos easily could have argued the murder was out of self-defense and protected himself. Now that they've buried the body, it's a little too late for that, no?
Aside from covering up the murder, the biggest story line coming into Season 8 is Tom and Lynette's split. For some inexplicable reason, they haven't told their kids that they're separated, so Tom is sleeping across the street and running over every morning to have breakfast with the kids. Tom and Lynette have always been the most honest portrayal of a married couple, and it's annoying that their relationship has been reduced to this gimmick. Plus, at the end of last season the two seemed like they were at each other's throats — so how are they even acting like they get along? The lines become further blurred when Lynette has a very vivid nightmare about Gaby's stepfather coming back to life and coming into her room. Naturally, she runs to Tom in the middle of the night crying and saying that she needs him. He embraces her and she stupidly goes in for the kiss. Oh gosh, here we go.
The two sleep together (naturally!) and they both run back to their own house in the morning. Their moment of passion quickly comes back to bite them in the butt, though, when Tom asks about getting back together and Lynette must explain that she just needed him in the moment (aka, I used you for sex!) and that she has no intention of getting back together so soon. A moment of quiet clarity washes over Tom's face and just as their kids sit down for breakfast, he announces that he and Lynette have something they have to tell them — presumably of their split. I was never on board with the whole Tom and Lynette split simply because it felt less honest and more of a last-ditch effort to cause conflict. But if they're going to go through with separating the formerly stable couple, at least go through with it all the way and show Lynette really and truly on her own.
Susan has the hardest time living with the cover-up. She has shut herself off from the other ladies and from Mike without reason, and the only time she faces her inner demons about the situation is when she is working as a substitute teacher in Juanita's class and the class' pet hamster accidentally dies on her watch. She is forced to bury the hamster, and suddenly starts pouring her heart out about why the hamster had to die and about what will happen when the hamster's family comes looking for the pet. Someone get this lady some uppers quick.
Gaby hears about Susan's tearful reaction and forces herself on Susan to get her to open up. Susan isn't having it, and it's only after a Wisteria Lane BBQ that sees all the women end up in the pool in their clothes (so kooky!) that she admits her fears and struggles about keeping the secret to her friends. Just like at the beginning of the episode after they buried the body, the women re-commit to keeping their secret and put their hands on top of each other to demonstrate their bond. Um, what is this, Mighty Morphing Power Rangers? Why is this happening? The desperate housewives of Season 1 really were desperate and had no such time for frivolous hand motions of unity.
After her drunken hook-up in the season finale, Renee is on the prowl and has her sights set on Wisteria Lane's new hot neighbor. But despite Renee's best attempt at flirting and her conscious effort to put her best cleavage forward, her new neighbor politely declines her offer to have sex and rejects her without a moment's hesitation. Hopefully, something more develops between the two of them so we can see Renee do something different. I would love if one of the other women accidentally spilled their big secret to her and got her involved in a storyline that has nothing to do with flirting, but it seems pretty apparent that isn't going to happen. And now that it's the show's last season, it does feel like it should just be the original four women and that Renee would just be interfering. But still, can't the writers find something worthy of Vanessa Williams' talents? Oy.
Overall, I thought the episode moved a little slow for what was the last season premiere. Yes, Bree got robbed, Gaby held a priest hostage and Wisteria Lane welcomed a new hunky neighbor, but it still felt like a transitional episode.
What did you think of the episode? Did it live up to your expectations? Do you think Renee should get involved in the cover-up? Are you sad Lynette and Tom are going through with their split? Sound off in the comments below!
Here we go, everybody! The beginning of the end of Desperate Housewives . Whether you've been keeping close tabs on Wisteria Lane all these years or are just coming back to see just how they wrap things up, welcome! The last time we saw the ladies, they had all become accessories to Carlos' murder of Gaby's abusive stepfather. So just how will the ladies handle this secret? Who do you ...
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